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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28365291">Something's On My Mind (Always In My Head Space)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenity_of_silence/pseuds/serenity_of_silence'>serenity_of_silence</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Victorious (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Happy Ending, Heartache, I promise it's a happy ending, I'll probably end up hating this oh well, Love, Marriage Proposal, Rejection, Running from comittment, don't hate me for making it sad at first, fear of commitment, slight cat/jade friendship, slight sadness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:48:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,513</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28365291</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenity_of_silence/pseuds/serenity_of_silence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"But time fell short for her, for them. And she wasn’t expecting it at all"</p><p>(In which Beck proposes to Jade, and she does what she's always done best, she runs)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Beck Oliver/Jade West</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Something's On My Mind (Always In My Head Space)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi Hi :) I know I swore I'd write faster last time I posted, but I lied I'm sorry. Life's been happening and writing just takes forever so this is the fastest I could come up with something (sorry again lmao) But I'm back with this and I actually really like it, so I hope you do to. I know the summary makes this sound sad, but I swear it has a happy ending so. Anyways, I don't have a lot to say about it so I'll let you get into reading, enjoy &lt;333</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> “Isn’t it lovely, all alone, heart made of glass, my mind of stone”  </em>
</p><p>They had always been bound to meet this moment, <em> hadn't they? </em> It was one of the inevitable endings that came with relationships. One of the <em> happier </em> inevitable endings at that. Because relationships could always end messily if that’s what the universe intended. They could be destroyed by heartbreak, or lies, or death.</p><p><em>But no, </em>this ending was a happier outcome. It was the final step to forever. It was the ending that somehow led right back into a new beginning. </p><p>It was a new chapter for the storybook that was their relationship. </p><p>She just wasn't expecting them to flip to this new chapter so soon. </p><p>She thought they’d have more time.<em> That’d she have more time. </em>More time to think things over, to second guess everything time and time again until she finally discovered what she truly wanted in life. More time to make a decision on what to say, before he even had the opportunity to ask. </p><p>But time fell short for her, <em> for them. </em> And she wasn’t expecting it at all. She wasn’t ready, certainly not prepared for the weight of the question to land on her shoulders in such short notice. </p><p>So when it happened, her breath got caught in her throat, <em> and she choked.  </em></p><p>He got home to their apartment before she did that night.<em> She should've taken that as the fist sign. </em> She’d always been the first one to get home, no matter what work they both had for the day, she always beat him getting back to the apartment. </p><p>So when she entered their home after work and found him moving around hastily in the kitchen, too focused on what he was doing to even notice her arriving, that sparked her interest. </p><p>She immediately furrowed her eyebrows in question, setting her things down on the couch before moving to sit on the kitchen counter next to him. </p><p><em> “Hey” </em> he barely looked up when she sat next to him, continuing to stare down at the metal bowl where he was briskly stirring pasta together. </p><p><em> She should’ve taken that as the second sign </em>. He never cooked voluntarily, that job was always left up to her. </p><p>Most people would be surprised by it, but he was actually a clumsy mess in the kitchen. There’d been too many occurrences of him setting something on fire and almost burning the entire apartment down for her to trust him to cook. And after one particular mess, they’d made the agreement that she would cook and he would clean, and that plan was seemingly working great.</p><p> So seeing him take over the chance to prepare dinner that night should’ve made her expect what was coming more. </p><p>“What are you doing?” she asked cautiously, looking back and forth between the pasta and his annoyed glare at the bowl placed in his hands. </p><p>“Trying to make that pasta dish you like so much” he sighed, setting the bowl down on the counter in irritation, “it’s not really working out for me though.”</p><p>“Why are you doing that?” she asked with hidden amusement, almost finding it cute how determined he was to finish the recipe.</p><p><em> “No reason” </em> he answered back almost a little too quickly, looking back and forth between her and the bowl in his hands suspiciously, as if she’d figured out something she wasn’t supposed to know. <em> Should’ve been the third sign.  </em></p><p>She looked at him with a subtly arched eyebrow as if questioning what he was up to before he gave her a sheepish smile.</p><p>“How about I finish this while you go get ready?” he suggested. </p><p>That caused her confusion to rise even more.</p><p>“Get ready for what?” </p><p>“Oh I don’t know, I just thought we could have a simple date night right here in the apartment, we haven’t had one in awhile” he shrugged mindlessly.</p><p>And while she knew what he was saying was true,<em> they hadn't had a date night in a while, </em> she still found herself getting even more confused over the idea.</p><p> Because date nights were never really their thing, they’d both rather just relax with dinner on the couch as they watched a movie. If anything, they actually preferred not going out on date nights, desiring something way more simple and comforting instead. </p><p>But here he was, suggesting they do date night out of the blue, <em> should’ve been the fourth sign.  </em></p><p>And so, even though she was still mildly questioning whatever he was thinking, she complied to his request and went to go get ready. </p><p>And when they reunited for their date night in the dining room, both nicely dressed while eating moderately made pasta and drinking sparkling red wine, that’s all she expected it to be. </p><p>A simple, uncomplicated date night for the two of them. </p><p>
  <em> Not what it ended up being.  </em>
</p><p>What she hadn’t expected was for him to stop dinner halfway through. Taking one of her hands within his, he moved so he was down on one knee in front of her at the table. </p><p><em> No, </em>this hadn’t been what she was ready for at all. She wasn't ready for this. Not prepared for the entire concept of the proposals and marriage at the still young age of twenty one. </p><p><em> And so, </em> as she held back tears at his perfectly planned out proposal, her mind raced a mile a minute. Thought after thought going through her head, all of them screaming at her how <em> not ready </em>she was for this to be happening. </p><p>And she listened to every word he said. Soaking it all up inside her as a way to calm herself down from yelling out in fear. She didn’t have the heart to interrupt his speech either, because he was so perfect for planning out this entire thing, only for her to end up ruining it all.</p><p>She held herself back from ruining it by interrupting him. That was the last thing she wanted to do. </p><p><em> No, </em> she knew her answer would be the final thing that destroyed his effortlessly planned, <em> stupidly perfect </em>night. And she wouldn’t let her interrupting him be another factor that spoiled everything for them. </p><p>And so his speech went on with her breath caught in her throat. Second after second of it going by as it got harder and harder for her to breathe.</p><p>And when he reached the end of his speech and looked up at her with hopeful, brown eyes, all she felt was herself choking. Choking on the idea of them moving forward this fast, struggling to breath at the thought of them going into a new chapter of their relationship, <em>u</em><em>nplanned.  </em></p><p>All she felt was fear, like she was paralyzed in it. And she really didn’t want to do this. She really didn’t want this to be the answer she gave him, because he deserved better than that. </p><p>But the ultimate feeling this entire situation came down to was her feeling like she couldn’t breathe. Like all of the air had been taken out of the world, and even if she wanted to desperately, breathing was the last possible thing she could do.</p><p><em> So, </em>she mumbled out a rushed “<em>I've </em><em>gotta go” </em>as an answer before standing up from the table and running out of the dining room.  As she tried to run, his hand reached out to grab hers almost instinctively. He tried to pull her back gently so they could talk things through, but it was too late. She was already out of the room and out of the apartment before he could even get a tight grasp on her hand. </p><p>And leaving that apartment, it felt like the air had come back inside her lungs. Like breathing in the crisp, cold wind of the Los Angeles area was her first time breathing at all. </p><p>And the guilt was flooding inside her right next to the sensation of being able to breathe again. Guilt that she’d ran when he’d asked her to marry him. Guilt that she’d left for such a monumental part of their relationship. Guilt that marriage was such a terrifying concept to her, to the point where she couldn’t even hear out what he had to say without wanting to flee. </p><p>All of that guilt built up inside her, piece after piece of it being stacked up until it actually felt like it was stabbing the edges of her heart. </p><p>And while she wanted to face the guilt she was experiencing, she was also afraid he was still attempting to follow her out of the apartment. So, she kept moving, she kept running until she was inside of her car and driving away from their home. </p><p>She had no idea where she was going, her head was moving too fast and too much was going on for her to possibly think straight. </p><p>And without realizing, she ended up where she always used to go when she had things to think through. A place her and her mom always went to when she was a little girl. Whenever her small mind felt like it was collapsing underneath all of her thoughts, her mother would take her here.</p><p>It was a small, barely known park right outside of Los Angeles. Right near the edge of a cliff that was perfect for watching sunsets and star gazing, it was a place she’d always gone to by herself. </p><p>It was something only for her, something she hadn’t shared with anyone before, not any of her friends and not even Beck. </p><p><em> It was entirely hers. </em> Mainly because she felt like sharing the one place where she could be alone was unfair to herself. But also because it was the one place where she could go to regain control, the one place where her thoughts seemed to slow down and she could finally think straight without interruption. </p><p>And as she pulled up to the empty park by herself, all of it encapsulated by the darkness of the night sky, <em> she felt free.  </em></p><p>Free of the stress she’d experienced from being asked such a heavy question by him. Free of the question’s weight and intensity, even though she came to this place to think through <em> said question. </em>She felt free from all of it. </p><p>And as she walked around the park a couple of times, she felt like she could finally take a deep breath and think through everything. <em> Without pressure.  </em></p><p>She let her mind go blank as she finished her walk, finding a bench to sit down on instead. The only feeling she had as she sat down was the wind going through her hair as cold air brushed up against her body. And after taking several minutes to feel this and <em>only this</em>, she decided she wanted to finally process everything that just happened. </p><p>Making her position on the park bench more comfortable, and clutching her sweater against herself tighter, she let her thoughts cloud her mind. </p><p>They were overtaking and unpreventable,<em> her thoughts. </em>They’d always been something she couldn’t control. She would overthink everything until it was like she couldn’t escape. Thought after thought building up in her mind until it felt like she was drowning in it all. </p><p>He was always the one to calm her down when that happened. He could always tell when she was overthinking, when her anxiety and fear piled up inside her and it hurt to breathe. But he wasn’t here right now,<em> was he? </em></p><p><em> No, </em> he was at home questioning why she ran away from him when he was usually the one she was running towards. </p><p><em> And she was here, </em> sitting on a bench in the middle of a barely lit park, blaming herself for ruining everything, <em> again.  </em></p><p>He was at home trying to figure out if he’d done something wrong while she was here, knowing the only thing he did wrong was love her too much. </p><p>Somebody should’ve warned him. Somebody should’ve told him to never date the broken girl. He should’ve known that being with her was a bad idea. </p><p>She was too unfixable to be with someone as put together as he was. She was built together by broken splices. Broken promises and broken truths meshed together with distrusting lies. She was all the times people swore they’d never leave, only to inevitably go. </p><p>She was a whirlwind of chaos, a storm of adrenaline and honesty. Strong minded and strong willed, she was a hurricane that blew through every place she travelled. She was fast paced and never ending, but despite all of her chaos, <em> he was there. </em> He was in the middle of it all. </p><p>He was always the first one by her side, always the one to stand up for her and always the one to <em> stay. </em>He stayed with her through everything. He was there for every experience she’d had in the past seven years. The pretty parts and the not so pretty parts. The hard times and the times where everything was weightless.</p><p> For seven years, he made sure she knew how loved she was. He made sure she was never alone again, not like she once had been. </p><p>Without a doubt, he was her greatest love. That was something she never questioned. She knew the second their paths crossed all the way back in freshman year, <em> he was it for her. </em> He’d always been the one because he was her always. He was her forever. </p><p>And she recognized that. She knew he loved her more than he loved anything. He’d always made it known to her, he never wanted her to question that. It was just her getting into her own head that stopped her from saying yes to everlasting happiness right then and there. </p><p>Her own mind made her examine the integrity of every moment they shared. The chaos inside her head was the ultimate problem she realized. The commotion and mayhem running through her was what stopped her from truly trusting every part of him.<em> Even though she knew she should. </em></p><p>She should trust him with every piece of her heart. He’d never given her reason not to before. But even with the strong trust they shared, also came her desire to protect him above all else. </p><p>She wanted to protect him from getting hurt. Protect him from the things that would,<em> naturally </em>, end up damaging him in the same way they damaged her. And what damaged her the most was the complexity of her own mind, her nonstop commotion. She was terrified of what her own damage could do to him. </p><p>She wanted to protect him from herself<em> . </em>She was too much chaos and havoc for the both of them, she feared she would end up dragging him down with her. She’d rather let him go than pull him into her world of destruction. </p><p>Because she’d set fire to the world around her, but she’d be damned if she let a flame touch him. </p><p>And most people would call her crazy, <em> they did call her crazy </em>. Any girl would love to be in her position right now, dying at the thought of Beck Oliver proposing to them.</p><p> But no, here she was, sitting alone as if being by herself was where she was always meant to be.</p><p> Because she cared about him more than she ever did herself and she'd be the one to end up getting hurt over and over again if it meant he could be happy. She could reject his proposal and let herself fall back into the consequence of being alone as long as he ended up achieving the happiness he always deserved. The happiness he deserved with some other girl who wasn’t as inexplicability damaged as she was. </p><p> And she knew if she accepted his proposal, there was a larger chance of him getting hurt in the end, even if he didn’t know it. </p><p>Marriage was the ending factor in every relationship she’d seen. It was her parents exact downfall. Her parents' failed marriage destroyed them both, and she loved Beck too much to let that destroy him too.</p><p> It could destroy her for all she cared, but it couldn’t touch him, <em> she wouldn’t let it.  </em></p><p>And the hardest part of all of this was that she knew Beck would fight her on it. He’d argue that there’d be no happiness in his life without her in it. He’d convince her that marriage wouldn’t be their end, and that they weren’t her parents, <em> despite what her mind was screaming at her </em>. </p><p>And the absolute worst part was that he was probably right,<em> because he knew her.  </em></p><p>He knew her better than anyone else did, meaning he also knew how every part of her mind worked and how every thought of hers overcrowded her head until she felt like she was collapsing. </p><p>He knew how she would crash and burn and fall into distrust and insecurity. But he also knew how she picked herself right back up again and made sure she was okay. She did it all on her own every time. She’d always been too independent,<em> at least that’s what he told her. </em> She never relied on others, never asked anyone for help, in fear that it would end badly. </p><p>People walk out and leave when you ask them for too much, they reject and hurt you. So Jade stopped asking for anything at all. She just relied on herself. </p><p>But honestly, what she really wanted in this moment was advice from somebody else. Anybody else’s thoughts, someone’s whose mind wasn’t tortured with self deprecating beliefs that stopped them from reaching contentment. She wanted someone else to tell her what to do,<em> she wanted her mom.  </em></p><p>She needed her mom’s guidance, her advice, it was the only thing she really wanted at this moment.</p><p><em>Sure, </em> she could ask the other people in her life, <em> her friends </em>, but she had no idea how that’d work out for her. Robbie wasn’t someone she’d talk to about this, for the obvious reason of them never being close. She figured Andre already knew about this entire situation, he was Beck’s best friend after all. She wouldn’t be surprised if he knew Beck was going to propose months ago. She could ask Tori, but she presumed Tori would just call her an idiot and insist saying no would be the biggest mistake of her life, then proceed to spur out a bunch of wedding ideas. </p><p>And then there was Cat. And she was different. If anything, calling Cat for advice was probably Jade’s best option right now. She’d always gone to Cat for things like this. </p><p>She went to her when Beck asked her out for the first time all the way back in freshman year and she went to her again when Beck suggested they move in together for college. And although people would question it, Cat was actually really good at giving advice. She knew exactly what to say all the time. She knew how to be helpful in a way that was never pushy or insisting. </p><p>And Jade trusted her. She trusted her the most to know the extent of this situation. She wanted to talk to Cat more than anything at this moment. But something was holding her back. Something in her was yelling not to let anyone know what happened, <em> not even Cat.  </em></p><p><em> No, </em>this was something she had to think through for herself. And though she hated it, this decision was hers and only hers. She relied on herself for everything, now was the time to rely on herself to figure this out, without the input of others. </p><p>But still, she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about what it would be like to have her mom here for advice. After all, this was something moms and daughters were supposed to bond over, <em>right?  </em>Proposals, wedding dresses, engagement rings- it was all things girls dream of from a young age, and then eventually experience with their moms by their sides. But her mom wasn’t here, she hadn’t been for years now, and Jade had become accustomed to that. No matter how much she wanted her mom to come back, Jade knew she wasn’t. </p><p>And to make up for her mom’s lack of security and guidance, Jade decided to think over advice her mom had given her when she was in middle school. </p><p>Her advice was to always trust what your heart is telling you. To trust what your heart insists even though your mind might be disagreeing. </p><p>Twelve year old Jade thought that advice was the stupidest thing she’d ever heard, and twenty one year old Jade still thought it was a load of overly optimistic, fairytale bullshit. But she channeled it anyway, because she was far too distraught and confused right now to even think about calling any piece of advice stupid. She was just longing to grasp onto whatever enlightenment her fogged up brain could offer and that was what came up. </p><p>And besides, the advice wasn’t <em> completely </em>ridiculous for the circumstances she was under. Thinking through her mother’s words actually did help ease some of the fog from her mind. </p><p>What her mother said was to go with what her heart was saying, and what Jade’s heart was saying was to go with Beck. </p><p>Her heart had been saying that for seven years and counting now. Since she’d met him, she’d had the yearning sensation to always be next to him and she couldn’t control it. Without her even realizing it, her heart had always been his. And that was something she didn’t want to change, even if marriage was petrifying and she had her doubts, she still wanted to do it. As long as she did it by his side. </p><p>She wanted to be by his side for everything. Every moment they’d had already, and all the ones they had yet to come, she wanted to be with him in every single one of them.</p><p>She believed everyone experienced many lifetimes. They had their lives now, their lives before, and their lives to come. And for every lifetime of hers she’d already encountered, he’d been there. In every world both of them experienced, they experienced it together. </p><p>Their worlds were intertwined always, laced together with passing moments and infatuated looks. Every world both of them discovered, they found hand in hand. </p><p>She felt that in her soul deeply. It was an idea, <em> a dream,</em> that she never went against. The dream that they’d be together and in love for every moment they fell into. The dream that in every life of hers, the ones she’d gone through already, and the ones she hadn't yet, she was his in all of them. </p><p>She wanted to be in love with him for every life of hers because she believed it made her a better person. The faint concept of being love stuck in the back of her head throughout each day made her want to be better. Better for herself and better for him. </p><p>She believed people should fall in love more. It was something everyone should have at least once,<em> right?  </em></p><p>Everyone deserves to feel how she felt whenever she was around him. The way her heart would pick up pace and her cheeks would flush ever so slightly. That’s what love felt like, and even the worst people deserved that feeling, <em> love.  </em></p><p>Love made people better, at least that’s what it did for her. He made her better if she really thought about it. She was who she’d always been. Just a better, happier, version of that person whenever she was around him. </p><p>He made her believe in things again too. Made her believe that happy endings, happy beginnings, and all the things in between still existed. <em> That love still existed.  </em></p><p>And whenever he took her hand in his, the world became a better place. </p><p>The universe got less dark and despairing when people were in love, it brightened up into a more hopeful and sanguine state. The deep cracks of hurt in the world weren’t just covered up, instead they were overshadowed with the light that was a result of love. </p><p>And being in love with him, she felt the same thing happen inside of her. Her unconquerable flaws and mistakes weren’t avoided and tucked away when she was with him, they were just concealed. Concealed by his love for her, and the light and contentment it brought into her life. </p><p>And as she looked around all the space surrounding her, the dark night enveloping everything besides the bench she was sitting on, she wanted the same feeling to be coursing through her bones like it always did. </p><p>The feeling of being unstoppable and great whenever she had him with her. The feeling of her going against being alone, breaking what she believed was destined to be her eternal state of loneliness. The seclusion and solitude of her mind being masked by his existence was something she needed right now. </p><p>And while she knew she was completely alone sitting on the bench in the middle of the empty park. The only things around her being the faint moonlight and brushing of tree branches against each other from the calming wind. She still found herself longing for him. Her heart was still searching out for him, despite him being all the way back at home. </p><p>
  <em> Home.  </em>
</p><p>That’s what he was to her. <em> He was home. </em> </p><p>He always had been home.</p><p>He’d been home since her young fourteen year old self first encountered him and he’d continue to be home for the rest of her life. </p><p>Realizing he was home to her was when her mind was made up. She knew her decision, she knew what she was going to say, and the last thing she knew was that she needed to get back home so she could say everything. </p><p>
  <em> She needed to get back home to him.  </em>
</p><p>And with that, she lifted herself off the park bench and took a deep breath. As she breathed in sharply, she closed her eyes and went through her thoughts one last time. Checking with herself, mind and heart alike, to make sure this was what she really wanted. </p><p>
  <em> It was.  </em>
</p><p>Exhaling slowly, her eyes now wide open, she was positively sure of her decision. And without a second thought, she practically sprinted to her car.</p><p> She opened the door with haste and buckled herself in quickly before driving off. Her thoughts were a blur as she sped home, slightly worried about being pulled over as she picked up pace. But her fear of speeding faded as she began to refocus on him. </p><p>That’s when guilt began to form inside her again. <em> She felt guilty. </em>Guilty that it took her this long to make a decision, when really, she should’ve known her answer the second he asked. </p><p>She was a coward like that. Afraid to decide on something in spur of the moment, petrified that she’d regret it later. </p><p>He was always braver than her when it came to things like that. More calm when it came time to finally face something instead of letting it pull you down and drag you under. </p><p>Her guilt was what stopped her from bursting through the door the second she got back to the apartment. She stopped herself.<em> In fear.  </em></p><p>She was uneasy and stiff. Afraid that he’d reject her from coming back before she even got the chance to explain.</p><p>Also afraid she’d hurt him too much by leaving, scared he’d finally decided loving her was too much of a disaster and given into giving up on her entirely. </p><p>In the short amount of time she’d been gone, he could’ve made the decision that she was too much of train wreck to love, and that his life would be easier without her in it. </p><p>
  <em> That’s what her mind told her he was thinking at least.  </em>
</p><p>And so she came to a halt, stopped with her hand resting on the doorknob, seconds away from opening it, now with a newfound fear. </p><p>Because although she thought him leaving her would benefit him the most, <em> she needed him. </em>He was her anchor. And if she was right about him finally deciding to go, she didn’t know what she’d do. </p><p>Losing him would be too much to handle for her. And just like she did with everything else, she assumed she had ruined this. That’s what her mind kept repeating anyway. That her running away had been the final deciding factor, and now everything between them was done. </p><p>And that’s why she was so hesitant to open the door. That’s why she stood with her shaking hand resting on the doorknob, unable to gather the courage to pull it open. </p><p>But he beat her too it. While she was still trying to argue her own head, convince herself that there was a small chance this wouldn’t end right before her eyes, <em> he pulled open the door.  </em></p><p>She let go of the doorknob in shock as it opened from the other side. Pulling back like she’d been burned as she met his eyes. Looking up to see him looking right back at her.</p><p>Her arms went to wrap around herself protectively, because there was still the chance he could be mad at her and tell her to leave, but their eye contact didn’t break.</p><p>And he looked just as relieved to see her as she felt to see him. </p><p>He let out a deep breath as his eyes looked her up and down, stopping yet again at her eyes. Seeing her in front of him was like a vision, <em> she was a vision, </em>a sight to be seen.</p><p>Staring back at him with eyes so blue it was like he was drowning. She was biting her lip nervously, arms holding herself as a way of shielding her heart from getting broken. Her glassy eyes were overwhelmed with nerves and anxiety, but also with deeply rooted love. He couldn’t see himself, but he imagined his eyes were reflecting the same expression back to her.</p><p>The expression of trepidation mixed  with deep adoration. He looked at her with fear that she’d shut him down again, just like she had less than an hour ago. But also with deeply secure, firmly rooted love, because she was here. <em> She came back </em>. </p><p>And god, he was never going to get over how in love with her he was, <em> was he?  </em></p><p>They stood like this for what seemed like hours. Just staring at each other, both of them too afraid to make the first move. </p><p>And as the deafening silence continued to move around them, he noticed her begin to shrink back into herself. Her panic that neither of them were starting the conversation began to settle in. </p><p>Scared that she’d flee again, he started to talk first. </p><p>“I was just about to go looking for you”</p><p>This was true, he was on his way to go driving around looking for her. He gave her the time he figured she needed on her own. Time to think everything over like she always had to, before deciding he’d left her alone for too long and now he needed to go after her.</p><p>She looked him up and down again, eyes continuing to grow glassy as she whispered out a soft <em> “oh” </em> in response to what he’d said. </p><p>They fell silent again, eyes connecting as they both fought the urge to reach out and grab onto each other, refusing to let go until they felt like the cracks in both of their hearts were fully mended back together. </p><p><em> And so, </em> instead of reaching out and holding each other, they united with words. </p><p>
  <em> “I’m sorry” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m sorry” </em>
</p><p>They both let out at the same time, their nervous gazes turning into soft laughs as they listened to how ridiculous they sounded. Neither of them had ever been people to apologize, both too stubborn and headstrong to say sorry at first. </p><p>But here they were now, unnecessarily apologizing for a situation they both felt like they’d caused. </p><p>“Why are you sorry?” Beck asked her tentatively. </p><p> If anything, he felt like sorry was the last thing she should be feeling. <em> After all, </em> he was what caused this in the first place. He’d proposed too fast and she got scared, running was her way of coping with that. And she shouldn’t be sorry for coping, he should be sorry for putting all of this on her way too soon. </p><p><em> “Because I ran. </em> I ran when I should’ve just stayed and talked things through with you-” she tried to keep going, tried to keep listing reasons for why she was in the wrong, but he cut her off. </p><p>“No, no, this is my fault, not yours, I never should’ve sprung this on you without talking to you about it first-”</p><p>“Beck-” she tried to cut him off, but he put his hand up to signal her to stop. </p><p>“Just let me say this, please” he spoke almost as if he was begging, “I’m so sorry, we should’ve talked about it before I just threw it all at you and expected you to answer right away. I never should’ve put that decision all on you, especially since I know what marriage means to you-”</p><p>“Beck” she tried to stop him again, but to no avail as he kept going. </p><p>“I know how scary marriage is to you, especially after your parents’ marriage ended, and I promise you, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure we don’t end up that way-”</p><p><em> “Yes” </em>she tried to cut him off one last time with that word, hoping he would notice what she was saying.</p><p>“But I completely understand if you don’t want to get married and you want to run again, I won’t hold you back, I just...<em>wait, what did you say?” </em>After continuing to ramble without stopping, it was like what she said finally resonated in his head and he understood what she meant.</p><p>
  <em> “I said yes.” </em>
</p><p><em> “ </em> Yes as in....<em>y</em><em>es, you’ll marry me </em>?” he let out with a hitch of breath, afraid to hear if that was what she truly meant. </p><p><em> “Yes, I’ll marry you” </em> she choked back a sob as she whispered out her answer, watching as he sighed in relief, feeling herself do the same motion back. </p><p>“Really?” he questioned her just to be sure, watching a smile crack through her tears as she let out a soft chuckle. </p><p>“It terrifies me how in love with you I am. It always has. Ever since I met you, I knew you had the ability to take my heart and make it yours if you wanted to, and that’s what you did. You made it yours even though it had always been yours to begin with. You made me fall in love with you and the scariest part was that you had the potential to shatter my heart into a thousand pieces without me stopping you. The control and hold you had over me, <em> it was terrifying. </em> And marriage….marriage just makes it more scary. It just solidifies the fact that we could fall apart despite the amount of love we have together. I’ve seen marriage fail too many times for me to trust that it may have the chance to succeed. But even though I’m scared, I want to take that chance. I want to take that chance... <em> with you. </em> So yes, I really want to marry you.” And with that, she finished her rambling and held her breath in anticipation. </p><p>They blinked back and forth in sync, both of them absorbing everything she had just spilled out. When she opened her eyes again after closing them for a second, he was now closer in front of her. His hands reached for hers and squeezed them quickly before moving up towards her face. He grasped her cheeks between his fingertips lightly, before leaning in, his lips crashing against hers. </p><p>She sighed softy as his mouth pressed against hers over and over again, their lips meshing together uncontrollably. They smiled against each other in contentment as he pulled apart ever so slightly to whisper “<em> god, I love you” </em> before falling right back into the pattern of kissing her. </p><p>She couldn’t stop herself from smiling as he moved one of his hands away from her face and brought it down to his pocket. He pulled out the ring she’d previously rejected and slipped into onto her finger smoothly. </p><p>After making sure the ring was securely in place on her hand, he broke apart from the kiss and pulled open the apartment door. Giving her a soft smile, he took her newly jeweled hand within his and pulled her into their home. </p><p>And hours later, as they basked in the silence created from their peaceful resting in the living room, the only emotion either of them felt was<em> pure, real love. </em> They let the silence surround them as their feelings became overcoming and the only noise left to hear was the simple beats of their hearts, <em> completely in sync.  </em></p><p>Because they’d never been ones to enjoy the loudness,<em> had they? </em></p><p>They both had too much intensity and chaos going on inside their heads at all times, so whenever they were alone together, they preferred letting the quiet take over. </p><p>They’d much rather be enveloped by their own little world of quiet than have the shouting going on inside their heads become reality. Because their was power in their silence. Power in their creation of tranquility, and love, and trust. </p><p>And with the power of their created silence, came the easiness for the both of them to fall into a peaceful sleep without uncertainty. </p><p>She fell asleep just before he did, one of her hands holding his as she mumbled a soft <em> “I love you” </em> before finally dozing off.  And while he wanted sleep to wash over his tired form just like it had for her, he couldn’t stop himself from staying awake.</p><p>He watched her sleep soundly on their living room couch, a blanket tossed on top of her restfully as she breathed in and out. Watching her sleep calmly, the almost burning sensation of love for her continued to grow from his heart to the rest of his body. His eyes moved up and down her form until eventually landing on her hand that wasn’t clutching his, instead grasping onto the blanket she was using. And on that hand, was a simple yet enthralling engagement ring, perched on top of her ring finger like it had always been meant to be there. </p><p>And in a few short months, a wedding ring would join her engagement ring’s spot perched on top of that finger. </p><p>But that was another chapter for them, <em> wasn’t it? </em> Another chapter of chaos and uncertainty. Another chapter made up of emotions, and loving glances, and tears. Another chapter that was ultimately, entirely <em> theirs </em>to add to the storybook that was their love. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>And there it is. I actually really liked writing this one so I hope it was enjoyable to read, or at least you somewhat liked it. As always, comment whatever you want, it always fun reading them &lt;3 Hopefully, I'll have something posted again soon, but no promises. Thank you so much for reading, means the world to me &lt;333</p></blockquote></div></div>
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